Home at Last

Tomorrow morning...I will be home. I won't be on a break, I will be home with no plans scheduled for me next. I've been so excited about living out of a closet, having my own schedule, and spending more time with friends than flight attendants that I never thought about how I might feel sad....scared...unsure. I've had an amazing job, a consistent job (well, to some degree!), and a job that I love and feel I am good at. It is fulfilling to work with college women who are making a difference on their campuses, and feel at most times that I am making a difference in their collegiate experience.

Tomorrow morning...that influence will be over. I have no more visits scheduled, no more people to meet with, no more schedules to follow. What does God have in store for me? When will I find a job, and what will that job look like? How do I put my full trust in God when the world says it is easier to be anxious, search harder, find something, and be uneasy and dissatisfied until I do?

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose work I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid." (Psalm 56:3-4)

It is so hard to hear God's voice in moments of fear and uncertainty, but I am doing my best to listen. It's easier to say that I trust in the plans He has for my life, but hard to live that out day after day. I am working on it though. I will set my eyes on serving others and glorifying the Lord in my daily walk. I am so blessed and excited to see the glorious plans that God has in store for me.

Thanks for your listening, your support, and your love...it's been one heck of a year.

Love & miss you all...xoxo, C

God's Little Reminders

Today is my birthday...and I'm working...in Pennsylvania...states away from my family and friends. However, thanks to modern technology (and God's sense of humor) I've been pleasantly reminded ALL morning of just how loved I am. Perhaps this year, more than ever, I've been getting happy birthday messages through phone, text, email, Facebook, and flowers from people ALL over the country who care about me. This is my most people-filled birthday ever! How wonderful that God has given me so many smiling, beautiful, people in my life to replicate His love for me.

C.S. Lewis said, "Though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not."

I went to bed thinking I should postpone my birthday a few days so that I would be with my family and friends. God had a different plan though, a plan in which He would smother me with little reminders of just how blessed I am!

Love & miss you all (for 3 more days)...xoxo, C

"All We Ever Do is Say Goodbye"

What signifies closure? How do we know when something is ending, and a new thing is beginning? If I think over my life, there are definitely certain events that mark conclusion:

- A final exam
- A graduation ceremony
- A celebration luncheon with thank you notes, a card, and maybe even a gift
- Packing up boxes and physically moving
- Turning in my key, selling back my books
- Signing yearbooks
- The dropping of a sparkling electronic ball in Times Square and a countdown
- The ding that means it's safe to unbuckle your seatbelt and retrieve your bags from the overhead bin

But how do we experience closure when something just ends? When there's no conclusion, no celebration, no clear ending...when things just simply stop, but everything else around me keeps moving? When I have no more flight itineraries in my inbox, and no more campuses awaiting my visit...what do I do?

For the past eight months, I have always had somewhere to go, something to work on, someone waiting for a response to an email or a voice mail. But now, as I sit in Lambert airport waiting to depart for my final two visits, I don't know what to feel. For the first time in my life, I don't know what's next professionally. I am staring into an uncertain future, with very little on my schedule, and absolutely no closure. I've had April 17 in my head all semester as the "graduation" day so to speak...but I realize that this graduation will have no "Pomp and Circumstance" and no diploma. Instead, I will arrive at the airport, wait for that ding one last time, walk out of the terminal, and be finished. Closure...how do we get it when it isn't given to us?

Love and miss you all, C

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Although I've heard/seen this prayer many times throughout my life, I had never taken time to learn about, or stop and think about its relevance in my own life. Or perhaps I hadn't seen the relevance until this year.

Apparently, this prayer has been adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous and other Twelve Step programs...sometimes I think we consultants need a twelve step program! (I just want to note that my witty banter from a mind that is in desperate need of spring break is in no way meant to belittle legitimate Twelve Step programs!)

One of my professional development goals at the beginning of this year was to learn how to better pick my battles. I knew that this would be a challenge for me going into visits, some of which can be quite overwhelming. You see, I suffer from what I like to call "superman syndrome." My "get up and go" gets going at a speed much faster than that which I can realistically match. I am often overwhelmed by a struggle for perfection, not only in my own life, but in the lives and situations of those around me. My visits only last 3-5 days, and my officer meetings only last 60 minutes. I cannot feasibly go into a chapter and "fix" everything that may need to be improved. So, for the past 7 months, I've worked relentlessly on prioritizing and goal-setting to overcome my ailment.

This morning, I woke up and God put The Serenity Prayer on my brain. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change Sometimes, visits don't go as planned. Officers aren't receptive to change. Insurance companies don't give us the answers we want to hear, and yet our bodies don't feel the way we think they should. Computers and flash drives act up and corrupt files that we desperately need. In other words, there are things in life beyond our control that simply must be accepted as "things we cannot change." The courage to change the things that I can I have been blessed to encounter many women and chapters, that by the time I left (or sometimes in an email months later) I can see I have made a difference. There are "ah-ha" moments that make all of the, "want to bang your head against the wall moments" worth it. I can measure success in recruitment return rates and quotas, and observe success in new programming and more confident collegiate women. Courage is a key part of my job. It's not easy to tell a chapter that something they're doing (that they consider a tradition) is wrong/unsafe/inappropriate. It's not easy to "start from scratch" with a chapter leader who wasn't aware she had a manual, and now you have an hour to set her up for success. It is scary going into a chapter that clearly doesn't know why you're visiting, or want you there. The courage given to me by God has gotten me through a lot of daunting situations that I could not face alone. And the wisdom to know the difference The breath of fresh air...the assurance from my Heavenly Father that I'm going to be okay. That peaceful feeling that overcomes us when the superman syndrome subsides, and we can recognize we have done well. This is the feeling I look for when I complete a visit, a report, or a suggestion letter. This is the type of wisdom I have prayed for daily to help me develop as a professional. Not the wisdom to do everything right, have all the answers, or change a chapter completely single-handedly, but the wisdom to discern what I can do and what I'm not meant to.

A short, commonly used prayer, that spoke to me this morning. I only have 3 visits left in my term as an LDC. I have by no means mastered the art, and there are still times when I get caught up thinking I can DO IT ALL! But in the silence of morning, God reminded me that His gift to me is not perfection, but peace, courage, and wisdom. Thank you Father!

Love and miss you all, xoxo...C

LL Bean Meets "Sex in the City"

Seattle...

The birthplace of Microsoft, but also of Nordstrom

An eclectic mix of Tory Burch flats & Birkenstock's with socks

Where you'll find people doing yoga in $85 pants & adding solar panels to the top of their frat houses

Where there's as much green in the trees as there is in people's wallets

Seattle...

My home for this week, and I'm in LOVE!

It's been a good 10 years or so since I last visited the beautiful Pacific Northwest, so I didn't remember much about the region. When my plane landed Saturday evening, I was greeted by more "Christmas trees" then I'd ever seen. There's just not grass this green in February anywhere else in the country. The air seems fresher, and it's amazing to have equally beautiful water and mountains in the same view. Sunday I went on a Seattle excursion with a few of the chapter members, and found Pike Place market to be quite enchanting! From fresh flowers, to flying fish, to incredibly talented street musicians, it was a taste of a lifestyle I'm just not used to. The people here are so laid back and so into their surroundings, and I can understand why in a city so beautiful. We had lunch at a little seafood restaurant overlooking Puget Sound and watched the ferries come and go from the precious islands off the coast.

One of the most wonderful parts of my travels personally has been the opportunity to fall in love with places that I'll again want to visit one day with my new hubby and family. Seattle has definitely topped the list. So if you're looking for a place to slip away too...grab your rain boots & your matching umbrella and head on up to Husky country ;-)

A Great Day for Love

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God." (1 John 4:7)

Today is a day for LOVE! Sappy, cute, sweet, snuggly, unimaginable love! God loved us first...and taught us what perfect love looks like...and therefore, we can do nothing but love one another! What a wonderful thought that keeps me smiling on a day when I wish I could be with my loved ones. Now, normally I might bemoan the fact that I can't celebrate with a nice dinner with Weston, or even get mail from him since Valentine's Day is on a Sunday...and tomorrow's a holiday...but instead, I woke up this morning, walked down the street to First Presbyterian Church of Deland and heard God loud and clear ask me to be His Valentine!

God blesses us when we least expect it. He is the King of Kings and our Heavenly Father. Praise Him in all that you do today...I know I'm going to try. Everyone needs to see Christlike love. Who have you showed it to?

LOVE & Miss you all...xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

C

Pray for the World

It's not easy to forget that the world needs prayers when you have a news feed on your desktop, and work off of your computer all day every day. I have the news feed flashing up-to-date headlines so that I remain connected with what's going on...but sometimes I wonder why I even want to know. It's a daunting task sometimes not to become jaded by the behaviors and lack of values I see on a daily basis at college campuses across the country. Add this to the headlines barging into my peripheral vision, and I can't help but stop and pray for the world.

"John Edwards proposes to mistress Rielle Hunter, buys $3.5 M beach house"
"Two Injured in Tennessee School Shooting"
"John Mayer compares Jessica Simpson to Sexual Napalm"
"Balgojivich pleads not guilty to new charges"

...and those were just in the last hour...

Last month when the Tiger Woods scandal unfolded, I made some Facebook comments about how the blessing of marriage was being degraded, and how the entire situation was yet again a reminder that values are no longer "valuable." Frustrated and discouraged, I didn't know what I could do in response to the disgusting headlines unfolding. Then it occurred to me that God put me in my job for a reason this year. He sent His son Jesus Christ to model a perfect life for us, so that we might aspire daily to live like Him. 12 revolutionary women, 143 years ago, founded Pi Beta Phi on the basis of six core values:

Integrity
Lifelong Commitment
Honor and Respect
Philanthropic Service to Others
Personal & Intellectual Growth
Sincere Friendship

Although sometimes it feels like a daunting task, I have an OPPORTUNITY every day to model strong, Christian values for the women I work with. I am not perfect, and am NOT claiming to be. I have lived through college and made decisions that make me cringe. I get what they're up against...and I wouldn't be good at my job if I didn't get it.

The definition of jaded is "to become weary or spiritless." I refuse to let the world win and do that to me. God has filled me with his Holy Spirit, and the world cannot take that away from me. So next time a headline flashes across my news feed...instead of feeling defeated...I will bow my head and pray for the world.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
(2 Timothy 4:7)